Last on MOTD: Everything changes
7th October, 2007
BLIMEY. I only went away for two weeks, and the entire sporting universe appears to have been flipped on its head. England turn out to be quite good at rugby union after all. New Zealand are not the invincibles we thought they were. Lewis Hamilton has almost thrown the Formula One title away when it was in his grasp. Celtic beat the champions of Europe. And Wigan appear first on Match Of The Day.
Have I stepped into an alternative universe? Ah no. Joey Barton is still winding up Manchester City fans. Some things do remain constant, after all.
While the Gubbometer finishes warming up after its two-week break, a few thoughts on the Rugby World Cup. I would have said South Africa were now the clear favourites, had they not stuttered so unconvincingly past Fiji today. The All Blacks gone. Australia gone. The Springboks wobbling. It’s anyone’s tournament now. Even England could win it. Bloody hell.
It is true to say that if Stirling Mortlock’s late long-distance penalty in Marseille yesterday had drifted between the posts rather than a couple of feet wide, English rugby union would now be undergoing a major post-mortem. But then, it would have been the same four years ago had England lost to Wales in the quarter-finals at the last Rugby World Cup (and they probably should have done).
I still don’t quite understand how England managed to beat Australia yesterday, and for all the players talked of self-belief in their post-match interviews, they looked a bit stunned as well. With the exception, that is, of Nick Easter, who fronted up his TV interview with the air of a nightclub bouncer facing a particularly stroppy punter.
“I’d like to borrow a line from Nick Faldo, and thank the press from the heart of my bottom,” said Easter. It must be incredibly satisfying to be able to shout down the critics who lambasted the team for performing so poorly against the USA and South Africa at the start of the tournament. Then again, it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish. Just ask New Zealand.
The greatest piece of understatement of the Rugby World Cup so far (and it will be hard to beat) came from England coach Brian Ashton. Asked how he felt after he team had knocked the Aussies out of the tournament, Ashton replied: “I feel OK.”
No need for hyperbole just yet.
England’s win over Australia would have taken centre stage even if there had been more than two Premier League games yesterday. With eight games today, it’s a double weekend for the Gubbometer. For one weekend only, the final game on MOTD2 also scores a point in the bid to discover who appears last on Match Of The Day most often this season. Time to bring you up to date.
Last weekend’s final match: Derby 1 Bolton 1. Commentator: John Roder again.
Despite being glued to the bottom of the Premier League with UniBond No More Nails (it sticks virtually anything to anything), Derby had to wait until the final weekend of September to appear last on Match Of The Day.
If nothing else, this proves that your team won’t be on last if they concede lots of goals. Derby shipped in six at Liverpool and five at Arsenal, and were first on MOTD both times. Reading let in seven at Portsmouth, and they got on first too.
Wigan obviously took note this weekend, letting in four at Old Trafford yesterday to ensure they were first on. That left just one other game to take final billing last night.
Last night’s final match: Aston Villa 1 West Ham 0. Commentator: John Motson.
I once interviewed John Motson as he prepared to travel up to Bury – at that time, the only Football League ground he had never visited.
After a few calls to BBC Sport’s press office, we managed to arrange a chat with him, and he duly called our office at the appointed time. I still remember the look of bemusement on my colleague’s face as he answered the phone to hear Motty’s familiar tones, before handing him over to me.
It didn’t quite match the look of bemusement on my face, though, when Motty challenged me on the spot to name the 17 league grounds he had visited over the course of that season to take him to within one of completing the 92. As I floundered, he managed to reel them off just like that. Say what you like about Motty, but he never comes unprepared.
Motty has had a lot of criticism over the last couple of years – some of it justified – that he is no longer the commentator he was in his heyday. He’s not as slick as some of his MOTD colleagues, but he’s lost none of his enthusiasm. And he’s still the most recognisable character in televised football. He’s got plenty of personality, too. I saw him on Football Focus a couple of weeks ago sporting a pair of spectacles so large that even Jackie Onassis might have thought twice about wearing them.
“There’s some rugby news obviously, judging from the singing in the crowd,” Motty observed as Villa’s fans launched into a burst of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot. Ah yes, even at Villa Park, the Rugby World Cup bug was biting.
It bit most notably for West Ham striker Henri Camara, who had a first-half goal disallowed for a handball so blatant that it was a wonder referee Steve Tanner didn’t give it as a knock on. But it bit Villa defender Zat Knight too, who somehow escaped giving away a penalty after wrestling Carlton Cole to the floor with the sort of challenge you would struggle to get away with in a five-metre scrum.
An unexceptional match, though. It might have been on last even with a full league programme. In fact, it was… but I’ll come to that in a moment.
Tonight’s final match: Reading 1 Derby 0. Commentator: Simon Brotherton.
Technically, this wasn’t the final match – that was Villa v West Ham again, shown in the brief round-up of Saturday’s games at the end of the show. But I’ve been through all that once already, and can’t be bothered doing it again.
This game actually got live TV coverage, as part of Sky Sports’ annual Mediocrity Octoberfest (or ‘let’s get our contractual obligations to show all the Premier League flotsam out of the way now so that we can broadcast wall-to-wall Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal come April’).
How MOTD2 managed to eke this game out to four minutes and two seconds of highlights, I’ve no idea. But I was left with the impression that Reading manager Steve Coppell would have given up his economic history degree for a clean sheet after last week’s horror show at Portsmouth, so I guess he’ll be happy. Or as happy as he ever looks, anyway.
A quiet end to a remarkable sporting week. But MOTD2 still had a surprise up its sleeve. Tony Gubba got the top match; Arsenal’s 3-2 win over Sunderland. Like I said, the sporting world has been turned upside down.
To round it all off, Gary Lineker made a closing joke about Mohamed Al Fayed over footage of hthe Fulham chairman posing with Gabby Logan on the Craven Cottage pitch to publicise a charity event.
“The Fulham chairman had his hand in Gabby’s bucket,” Lineker said. “And she only asked him for a dance.”
Boom boom.
Gubbometer
1. Wigan… 4
2. Gubba… 2
3=. Fulham… 2 (Gubba difference: +1)
3=. Bolton… 2 (Gubba difference: +1)
3=. Reading… 2 (Gubba difference: +1)
6=. Aston Villa… 2 (Gubba difference: 0)
6=. Derby… 2 (Gubba difference: 0)
6=. West Ham… 2 (Gubba difference: 0)
9=. Birmingham… 1
9=. Everton… 1
9=. Middlesbrough… 1
9=. Newcastle… 1
(NB. Where teams are level, positions are decided by Gubba difference, which is the number of times a team appears last on MOTD with Tony Gubba commentating.)
