WHEN I worked at the Stockport Express as a fledgling news reporter, there was a rumour flying around that Martin O’Neill’s brother was working as a solicitor at Stockport Magistrates’ Court.
The facts were these: there was a Northern Irish solicitor called Shane O’Neill who often represented defendants at the court around 2000/2001. This guy was the absolute spitting image of Martin O’Neill, with short, dark curly hair and glasses. Martin O’Neill has a brother called Shane, who went into law.
It all fits together, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it?
This was during Martin’s first season as manager of Celtic, and he was regularly being talked of as a potential successor to Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United. Put all this together, and you have the basis for a cracking local newspaper story.
So why did we never get it? Because none of us reporters who wandered down to the court could ever buttonhole the guy to ask him for an interview. He always managed to get away at the end of a case before we could dash across the courtroom to put the question to him.
And besides, magistrates tend not to look on it very kindly if you leap up from your seat in the press gallery as they are delivering a stern summing up to some ne’er-do-well and shout: “Excuse me mate! Are you Martin O’Neill’s brother? Is he going to United or not?”
I suspect we wouldn’t have got the interview anyway, although I’d like to think I’d make more of an effort to get it now. Why? Because Martin O’Neill is notoriously hard to pin down for interviews about his life outside football . . . and it would logically follow that his family probably wouldn’t be too forthcoming either.
O’Neill is a wonderfully articulate and thoughtful interviewee, and a refreshingly original television pundit. The best thing about the BBC’s TV coverage of last year’s World Cup third-place play-off between Germany and Portugal was O’Neill’s insistence throughout that the match was a complete waste of time.
(It still doesn’t beat his legendary deconstruction of Robbie Williams’ career to the pop star’s face during France 98 though, a clip that really does have to be seen to be believed.)
But try to get him to do an interview about more personal matters, and you’ll struggle. Even the man who wrote a biography about him, a chap called Alex Montgomery, failed to get a chat with his subject.
For that reason, I like to think that the solicitor who defended his clients with wit and vigour at Stockport Magistrates’ Court all those years ago was O’Neill’s brother. And that the reason he kept slipping away from us was that he was trying to protect his famous sibling’s privacy.
Either that, or he was just scared of all these weird journalists who kept popping into court and staring at him.
Last night’s final match: Aston Villa 2 Derby 0. Commentator: Simon Brotherton.
O’Neill was his usual energetic self on the touchline as Villa laboured to victory over a Derby side who look doomed to relegation because they cannot maintain their concentration for 90 minutes at the back, and rarely look like scoring up front.
Martin Laursen scored after Derby went to sleep at a free kick, and then Ashley Young added another following some more lax defending. At three minutes and 48 seconds, it was the shortest highlights edit of any game featured on Match of the Day this season.
And it was also the last game on MOTD, with Liverpool once again dodging the graveyard slot despite yet another tedious goalless draw – their third of the season – this time at Blackburn; a match so bad that it might have made those watching it live on Setanta consider cancelling their subscription.
O’Neill’s post-match interview was an honest assessment of his side’s unspectacular but effective performance, although it was disappointing that the interviewer failed to ask him the key question: “Excuse me mate! Are you Shane O’Neill’s brother? Did he work as a solicitor at Stockport Magistrates’ Court or not?”
Gubbometer
1=. Wigan: 4 (Gubba Difference: +1)
1=. Fulham: 4 (GD: +1)
3. Derby: 4 (GD: 0)
4. Aston Villa: 3
5. Gubba: 2
6=. Bolton: 2 (GD: +1)
6=. Reading: 2 (GD: +1)
8. West Ham: 2 (GD: 0)
9=. Birmingham: 1
9=. Everton: 1
9=. Middlesbrough: 1
9=. Newcastle: 1
9=. Sunderland: 1
(NB. Where teams are level, positions are decided by Gubba Difference; the number of times a team is on Match of the Day last with Tony Gubba commentating.)

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